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There is life after baby loss

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My Story, Power the Mind

What a difference a year makes

November 1, 2019 — 0 Comments

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This blog is an insight into the secret world of miscarriage, told by an insider who knows the subject all too well.

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So, today a law was passed in the UK to allow at least two-weeks leave for UK parents who lose a child.⁣ ⁣ I saw the news come up on my feed! Great. This is a step forward to mandate this practice across all employers! Lot’s still to do, but it is a step in the right direction. That was my initial response. ⁣ ⁣ Then I read the full article. And I couldn’t help but feel aggrieved by it. “From April 2020 all employed parents whose child dies (under the age of 18), or suffer a stillbirth from 24 weeks of pregnancy…will be eligible under the new law”.⁣ ⁣ Oh, so that wouldn’t have included me? Or the thousands of women like me who gave birth to their sleeping babies just before the 24-week threshold?⁣ ⁣ 🤔 Do we not count?⁣ 😔 Does our pain not matter?⁣ 😢 Is our grief any less?⁣ 💔 Are our broken hearts any less broken?⁣ 🤫 Do we have no rights?⁣ ⁣ It all makes me wonder...⁣ ⁣ 💢 If we want to break the stigma and the silence around miscarriage (early or late) we need to feel like we count. Like our grief matters. Like we are seen in society. ⁣ ⁣ 💢 Although laws like this are great, I can’t help but think they force those of us who lost a baby before the 24 week mark further underground, further into the shadows and further into silence.⁣ ⁣ 💢 If we are not recognised by the law, then what chance do we have of being recognised and supported in wider society?⁣ ⁣ And this just can’t be right, can it?⁣ ⁣ I don’t know that I intend to achieve with this post. I don’t have a motive. I just can’t help the thoughts and feelings that are brewing within me as a result of this new law. And from the comments I've received so far, I am not alone in feeling this.⁣ ⁣ For everyone who has lost a baby before 24 weeks and today feels like your grief and broken heart has been completely and utterly brushed under the carpet...I post this for you. You are not alone. And your feelings today matter 🙏❤⁣ ⁣

Reading the articles today about miscarriage triggering PTSD has got me thinking back to my own recurrent experience of miscarriage. ⁠ ⁠ Losing 7 babies makes me a prime target for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I don’t think I suffered from it, but equally I’d never have thought to go and speak to my GP about it either. I didn’t know it could be triggered by miscarriage. Instead, as Anita Rani (@itsanitarani) said in her post today, I just kept ‘sucking it up’, time and time again. I’m not saying this is what anyone should do – NO WAY!! But this is what I did at the time. I didn’t know any better back then. ⁠ ⁠ Head over to the blog (link in bio) to read what I did so that you don’t make the same mistakes I did. ⁠ ⁠ * And if you know someone who needs to hear this or you suspect someone is suffering in silence, share this post with them, post it to your stories, do something to get this in front of them. This may be the most life changing thing you do today 🙏🙏🙏 ⁠

I am so deeply grateful for you all 🙏❤ ⁣ ⁣ 740+ followers on Instagram ⁣ 900+ followers on Facebook⁣ ⁣ These may seem like small numbers to some. But to me, this is incredible as these numbers represent the genuine connection of hearts. ⁣ ⁣ Hearts of people...⁣ ❤...who are choosing to increase their awareness of such a tender and taboo topic such as baby loss. ⁣ ❤...who are choosing to see life through another persons eyes.⁣ ❤...who feel less alone by hearing my story.⁣ ❤...who hear my voice as their own.⁣ ❤...who find healing knowing they are not alone.⁣ ❤...who are finding strength to speak their own truth and share their story.⁣ ❤...who reach out for support.⁣ ❤...who keep the flame of hope burning for whatever their heart desires.⁣ ⁣ I write for you my friends 🙏⁣ ⁣ I started 2020 as I do each day - in gratitude for your time, your love, your support and most importantly the fact that by you being here you are making baby loss something we no longer have to keep hidden, buried and shamed into silence. ⁣ ⁣ You my friend are appreciated. ⁣ You are powerful.⁣ You are the change. ⁣ ⁣ And with every ounce of my heart, I thank you for being here 🙏❤⁣

A lot can happen in 10 years...but a lot can stay the same too.⁣ ⁣ When @sikhdad invited me to do the 10 year photo challenge I wondered what photo I would find from 10 years ago. ⁣ ⁣ Not wanting to plug in my hard drive, I scrolled through old photos on Facebook and found the top photo. Me doing a tandem sky dive 10 years ago!⁣ ⁣ And I didn't have to scroll too far back in my gallery to find the bottom photo...us at Christams this year. ⁣ ⁣ This got me thinking about just how much had changed in the last 10 years. Loved ones who are no longer here. New souls that have come into the world. New friendships what have graced my life. A gruelling journey that has changed me in so many ways.⁣ ⁣ But I also look back at my skydive photo and realise that so much about who I am at my core is still exacty the same as it was back then...shaken and tested at times, but still exactly the same (if not stronger!)...⁣ ⁣ 💫 My drive ⁣ 💫 My bravery⁣ 💫 My spirit⁣ 💫 My smile ⁣ 💫 My instinct ⁣ 💫 My desire to be different⁣ 💫 My desire to change the world⁣ 💫 Always seeing the good in people⁣ 💫 Never letting anyone tell me I couldn't do something ⁣ 💫 My deep and unwavering faith ⁣ 💫 Hope that runs so deeply through my heart⁣ ⁣ So while time passes, people in our lives come and go, we battle through our challenges and we ride the rollercoaster of life...never lose who you are at your core. That right there is your place of stability, of grounding, of resilience and with that, you will overcome absolutely anything that life throws at you 💫⁣ ⁣ That is my wish for us all...to overcome, to grow and to thrive 🙏❤⁣

Our Christmas spread was just 👌👌👌 even if I do say so myself.⁣ ⁣ Even though we've been reducing our meat intake over the last few months, there was no way I was ready to have a meat free Christmas! So I went all in! ⁣ ⁣ And it was great! 😋⁣ ⁣ But yesterday both my husband and I just wanted plain, meat-free, simple food again. It was like our bodies were crying out to us to stop the overindulgence and stop the meat again! So we obliged. ⁣ ⁣ Opting for a simple yet nutritious kitcheri (rice and lentil dish) was just what the body needed. And with that we are back to our reduced meat diet...🥳 yay! ⁣ ⁣ I never thought that would be something that excited me...but it is!⁣ ⁣ Isn't it interesting how a few months of sustained change can make an impact on your mind, body and choices? 🤔⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣

In the run up to the new year, take some time to slow down. I had every intention to do this. But maybe my intent wasn't strong enough or maybe what I had planned wasn't quite slow enough...because today, out of the blue, I'm feeling ill. My body sore, a fever and a loss of appetite. I've been forced into bed. This isn't the first time my body has dictated what I need. And I grow ever closer to the saying "if you don't make time for your health, you will be forced to make time for your illness". So in the run up to the new year, take some time to slow down, like really slow down. 😌 Recharge. 😌 Reflect. 😌 Connect. 😌 Ground yourself. Give yourself and the new decade a head start 💥💥💥 ⁠

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