“I know someone who…”
Now this is an interesting one…
Stating someone else’s story for comparison purposes is just not helpful. For example…
“So and so had 10 miscarriages and then she had a baby, so don’t worry it will happen for you too”. This is not helpful.
On the other hand it may be helpful to know that someone else has been through something similar. It may give you a contact. Someone you can reach out to. For example…
“I know someone who had many losses too and if you feel you’d like someone to talk to, someone who may understand a little of what you’re going through, I’d be happy to give you her number, if it’s something you’d find helpful?” This might be more helpful.
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We just need to tread carefully because when we bring in someone else’s story, we are in fact detracting from the person in front of us who is suffering right now.
So even if it feels helpful to share someone else’s story just for the sake of it, remember that even if two people are joined by a similar experience, their journeys will in fact be very different.
I know this for certain. I’ve lost 7 pregnancies. 6 through early miscarriage and 1 through late miscarriage. And I can say that every single one of my miscarriages was different. How it happened was different. How I felt was different. How I responded each time was different.
So putting everyone whose experienced baby loss into the same bucket, making assumptions and drawing comparisons is just not helpful.
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Coming next time – what you might want to say instead…
“I know someone who…”
