❌ “At least it was early”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least you didn’t have to go through labour”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least you can get pregnant”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least you can conceive naturally”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least you’re still young”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least you already have a child”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least you’ve only lost one”⁠⁣⁣
❌ “At least…”⁠⁣⁣
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Any statement starting with ‘at least’ – don’t say it, please 🙏 they serve no purpose.⁣⁣
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What they do is dismiss the other person’s pain, the other person’s experience, the other person’s right to feel any emotion that is coming up for them. ⁠⁣⁣
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They have the power to supress and silence someone who is hurting.⁠⁣⁣
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These statements fail to acknowledge what the other person is going through and they inadvertently make comparisons. Comparisons to someone whose situation ‘appears’ worse. ⁠⁣⁣
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They can make the other person feel guilty – for grieving, for being sad and for feeling the very real pain they’re experiencing. ⁣⁣
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These statements imply that you should be grateful and you should see the silver lining. But in truth, in the grip of grief those silver linings can feel far from reach. That’s not to say they won’t come. They may. But it will be in the other persons own time. ⁣⁣
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So let’s not make pain, loss, grief a competition. ⁣⁣
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Let’s not rank it. ⁣⁣
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Let’s not create winners and losers. ⁣⁣
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Because in truth, there are no winners – everyone has lost.⁠⁣⁣
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Coming next time – what you might want to say instead…⁠