Lockdown saw the grief for my Dad resurface like never before. ⁣
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This photo is of my Dad releasing my hand after he walked me down the aisle. It felt so incredibly symbolic at the time. A girl, growing up, taking the next step on her journey through life. ⁠⁣
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A few weeks ago, the day after Jiya’s 4th birthday anniversary, I was hit with a wave of grief for my Dad. ⁣
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I found this photo and I couldn’t stop looking at it, at his hand, remembering how it felt, the strength, the warmth, the rough skin in parts, but the biggest part of the memory was the girl I became when I had this hand to hold. I was powerful. Unstoppable. Ready for anything. Knowing this hand would always be there for me come rain or shine. ⁠⁣
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The rain and shine, the ups and downs, they continue to come. But the hand is no more. Never will I hold it again. And as the tears started to flow the lyrics of Josh Groban started playing in my mind…⁠⁣
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“When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary⁠,⁣
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be⁠,⁣
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence⁠,⁣
Until you come and sit awhile with me⁠.⁣
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You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains⁠,⁣
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas⁠,⁣
I am strong when I am on your shoulders⁠,⁣
You raise me up to more than I can be⁠.”⁣
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The tears change. From tears of deep loss to tears of painful love. Through which a calming smile emerges and a feeling of deep and complete gratitude because;⁠⁣
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He does come and sit a while with me. Maybe not in the way I long for, but in the signs I see around me, in the space he holds in my heart and through the connection of our souls. He comes, he sits with me ❤⁣
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Reminding me, that I can stand on mountains, I can walk on stormy seas, I am always on his shoulders and I WILL be more than I can be – because of him, my beloved Dad ❤⁣