Lockdown saw the grief for my Dad resurface like never before.
This photo is of my Dad releasing my hand after he walked me down the aisle. It felt so incredibly symbolic at the time. A girl, growing up, taking the next step on her journey through life.
A few weeks ago, the day after Jiya’s 4th birthday anniversary, I was hit with a wave of grief for my Dad.
I found this photo and I couldn’t stop looking at it, at his hand, remembering how it felt, the strength, the warmth, the rough skin in parts, but the biggest part of the memory was the girl I became when I had this hand to hold. I was powerful. Unstoppable. Ready for anything. Knowing this hand would always be there for me come rain or shine.
The rain and shine, the ups and downs, they continue to come. But the hand is no more. Never will I hold it again. And as the tears started to flow the lyrics of Josh Groban started playing in my mind…
“When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary,
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be,
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas,
I am strong when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up to more than I can be.”
The tears change. From tears of deep loss to tears of painful love. Through which a calming smile emerges and a feeling of deep and complete gratitude because;
He does come and sit a while with me. Maybe not in the way I long for, but in the signs I see around me, in the space he holds in my heart and through the connection of our souls. He comes, he sits with me ❤
Reminding me, that I can stand on mountains, I can walk on stormy seas, I am always on his shoulders and I WILL be more than I can be – because of him, my beloved Dad ❤