Even after all of this time, I still don’t know how to answer this question. I feel dread in the pit of my stomach. I feel a little sick. My mind goes into overdrive. My heart starts to hurt.
- Saying I have one daughter is the easy answer – not for me, but for the other person. It saves the other person the uncomfortable feeling of hearing my truth. For me, it is the worst possible answer. I always feel sick in my stomach afterwards. My heart hurts. I feel guilty. Later, I say sorry to my angel babies for not acknowledging them. And I usually shed a solitary tear.
- Saying I have one daughter and one in Heaven – this is a harder answer for the other person to hear, but not for me to give. It is part of my truth. It is a level of truth I think the other person can handle. But I still feel guilty that I didn’t acknowledge my other angels babies. Later, I say sorry to them. And I usually shed a solitary tear.
- Saying I have one daughter and 7 angels in Heaven – this is an impossible answer for the other person to comprehend or respond to, but not for me to give. It is my truth. It is my complete truth. I smile when I leave this conversation, for I acknowledged all of my babies, they come to my mind, I imagine them watching and feeling acknowledged and loved.
So, which of the three is the answer I give? The truth is, it varies, even now. I don’t always give the same answer.
Sometimes I don’t want to spare the other persons feelings at the detriment of my own.
Sometimes I don’t want to share my angels with the person I am talking to.
Sometimes I don’t trust the other person to honour my truth.
Sometimes I have no time to think and just say whatever comes into my mind at the very instant the person has put me on the spot.
Sometimes I am honest and just say, I really don’t know how to answer that question and leave it at that.
So what looks like a simple question is often loaded with turmoil for any parent who has lost a baby.
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This photo is not of my family but from @zoeadelle book. I had to share it with this post because it beautifully depicts life through the eyes of a baby loss parent.
A Drug Named Hope 
What a tough question to be asked!! But I feel being true to your Angel’s is most important, whether people can handle it or not, it’s up to them, if they cant handle it then they’re not mature enough to hear it xx
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