When the host of the podcast, Aren, hit the record button and I started talking I felt the nervous energy in my voice but I spoke and spoke and spoke. I shared my journey. I took the space Aren gave me to tell my story. I eased into it. It started to feel natural and by the end of it I didn’t feel the nerves at all and I actually felt really good. ⁣⁣⁣
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I DID IT!⁣⁣⁣
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Why then, shortly afterwards and for the day that followed did I feel sick to my stomach?⁣⁣⁣
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🤦🏻‍♀️“What the hell did I just do?”⁣⁣⁣
🤦🏻‍♀️“Did I seriously think I was ready for that?’⁣⁣⁣
🤦🏻‍♀️“Did I have to share so much detail?!”⁣⁣⁣
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I felt drained. I had no energy. I had a headache that just wouldn’t shift. I felt overly emotional. ⁣⁣⁣
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What was wrong with me? I’d just done something amazing. I’d just stepped out from behind my computer screen and out from my comfort zone. I had just allowed myself to be seen and heard. And it went well!!⁣⁣⁣
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But I couldn’t shift how I was feeling. Because it turned out I was suffering with a hangover – a vulnerability hangover (the “gut-wrenching feeling that happens the moment we decide to get real about who we are, what we want, and how we express it”⁣)⁣⁣
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That’s exactly how I was feeling. My stomach in knots. My emotions brought right up to the surface re-living what I’d been through. My mind in over-analytical, over-critical mode questioning everything I said during the interview.⁣⁣⁣
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I’d shared so much. I put myself out there. For the first time in years, I let people hear my voice – the nerves, the lump in my throat as I held back the tears when I spoke of my dad, the excitement of my dreams and goals. I put it all out there.⁣⁣⁣
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I’d opened myself up for judgement, for pity, for criticism. All of it. I felt naked. And I had no control of how people would receive what I’d shared. My deepest and most profound experiences that have shaped who I am today, now in the hands of others. ⁣⁣
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Once it was out there, it was out there. There was no going back from it. All of this made me feel vulnerable and this is what gave me a hangover!⁣⁣
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But I worked through it…in my next post I’ll talk about my cure for this hangover!