This time of year has become a slightly bitter sweet period for me.
Two weeks ago I attended the SANDS annual picnic at Ray Mill Island. I looked at my angel baby Jiya’s leaf on the memorial tree and remembered my 6 other little angels who came before her. Then a few days later I celebrated National Rainbow Baby Day with my rainbow baby Simran.
Tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of Jiya’s due date. A long awaited day that never came because she was born sleeping 3 months earlier. And just 2 days later we will be celebrating Simran’s 2nd birthday. Her birth, a dream come true.
I’ve been feeling somewhat conflicted over the last few weeks, not really sure which emotions to process. The grief and sadness or the happiness and gratitude? I was conscious that by being with my grief and sadness I felt like I was being ungrateful for the blessings I had been given and that being with my happiness and gratitude I felt guilty for not honouring my losses. Catch 22. So I didn’t fully accept either emotion.
I knew I needed to confront this. So today I took a day off from everything and declared a ‘me’ day. I just wandered and pondered around town doing things I enjoying and just allowed the lesson and learning to unfold before me.
The lesson I was reminded of was this:
* Happiness and sadness.
* Birth and death.
* Success and failure.
* Good health and suffering.
* Love and heartbreak.
* Light and darkness.
They are two sides of the same coin.
You can’t have one without the other.
They come as a pair.
If we are to enjoy the good side of the coin, we must also be prepared to accept the more painful side of the coin too.
So today, I honoured the sadness and loss. I gave thanks for the joy and blessings. I accepted both into my heart and there they shall remain as a constant reminder of the delicate balance of all things in life.