My last miscarriage showed me something, something that I never expected. Something I may never have seen had it not been for the loss of my baby.
I saw angels. Angels on Earth. Ordinary people who lead ordinary lives but have extraordinary hearts. Some strangers, others not. Some who made a temporary appearance in my life, others who still remain. The thing about them all is their ability to ease the pain, soothe my soul and just be there, without expecting a single thing in return.
ANGEL ON EARTH #1
The first angel I’d like to talk about is someone who came into my life 2 months before we lost Jiya. A special lady called Jayne Isabelle. Jayne worked with my father many many years ago and got in touch when we announced that our father had passed away. Jayne and I messaged each other as I was so intrigued to hear about her stories of my dad. They worked closely together and dad even taught Jayne some Punjabi! I was just amazed to find that out. It’s the sort of thing I could imagine my dad doing, but he never told us about it. He too was an angel. He went round helping those around him, quietly, without bragging and without expecting anything in return.
Anyway, back to my dear Jayne. When Jayne found out about Jiya’s passing, she offered the most beautiful words that sung to my heart. I was truly touched that someone who was a stranger until 8 weeks ago could show so much love, compassion and tenderness…in many ways it was more than I’d experienced from those who I’ve known for years. That was enough for me. I didn’t need anything else. But, being the beautiful soul she is, I woke one morning, about a week before Jiya’s funeral, to a delivery. It was pretty big and I’d wondered who it might be from. I opened it to find the most beautiful handmade cushion, with the saying “Because someone we love is in Heaven, there is a little bit of Heaven in our home”. I was overcome. Who would do something like that?
And that’s not it. Jayne, who is fantastically creative also created something so very special for Jiya. She designed and made a memory heart embroidered on the most beautiful pure silk Dupion. She used her own time, materials, energy and love to create this beautiful piece, which I used in a teeny tiny quilt for Jiya to sleep in for her funeral. Who’d have thought someone so new to my life could make such an impact and create her own eternal connection with Jiya. Thank you Jayne, you are so very wonderful and I am eternally thankful to my dad for bringing us together.
ANGEL ON EARTH #2
The second Angel I’d like to introduce to you, is Louis. Louis Robert Joseph Knight. Louis is a beautiful baby boy, someone I have never met and who didn’t get the chance to experience life on this Earth. Louis was born sleeping on 10th December 2009. His parents are also Angels on Earth, of course they are, they gave birth to an angel as perfect as Louis. So, how have these complete strangers come to be part of my journey of losing baby Jiya? Well, let me explain. When Jiya was born, my husband and I were hit like a bolt of lightning. Our world changed in that instant. Alongside the grief that kicked in we were hit by an almighty blur. Blurred thinking, blurring vision, everything was just hazy. We were asked questions about stuff we never ever imagined we’d be asked. Questions about carrying out a post mortem and making funeral arrangements, to which I’d say ‘I don’t know’, ‘Sukhie what should we do?’, ‘You decide, I just don’t know’. For someone who is very decisive, when I look back at this period, I hardly recognise the person I was. All logic was gone.
A day later, the midwife came to talk to us about a memory box. The thought sent me into a guilty tizz because we had nothing to put in a memory box! What would she think of us? But she actually came in to give us a filled memory box. I was a little confused. The midwife asked if we wanted her to take us through the box, we nodded, still a little confused. So she sat with us on the bed and opened up this beautiful yellow box. We were completely overcome. The box was filled with everything you’d want to keep as a memory of your sleeping baby but would never think of in the pain of the moment. An acknowledgement of birth certificate, a candle, a balloon for us to release, seeds for us to plant, memory stick for our photos, knitted clothes for our baby to wear, 2 tiny teddy bears (1 for us, 1 to stay with Jiya), an ornament of an angel, hand and footprint kits…the list goes on. I cried. For the first time on this journey, the tears I cried were tears of heartfelt gratitude to complete strangers, to Kirsty and Michael. These parents turned their loss into an amazing charity 4Louis, that makes up these memory boxes for parents who give birth to an angel baby. Amazing. Just Amazing. I love you guys for what you are doing and for what you gave to me and my husband, it was much more than a memory box, it was love, hope and showed the strength of the human spirit. Thank you. We think of you every day when we look at our memory box, which has taken pride of place in our home. Thank you, a million times over.
It is truly amazing how people, out of nowhere, just enter the path of your life. Like a well timed project plan. The point you need them is the point they arrive. The kindness they emit is a feeling I cannot do justice through words. They give, without expecting anything in return. Their hearts are full of genuine love and tenderness which has the power to touch us, the power to strengthen us and the power to heal us. All of these things are what make these people special, it’s what makes them Angels on this Earth. And I am proud to say I’ve met them.
I’ve been lucky that my journey has allowed me meet even more Angels on Earth…look out for the next part in this story where I’ll introduce you to them.