My name is Gurinder Mann and I’m a 33 year old professional, wannabe entrepreneur, wife, and now a blogger of sorts! I adopt a mindful approach to life, take time to travel, volunteer for charity, invent ‘clean-eating’ recipes and then balance it out with naughty baking and generally just try to be a nice person.
So, with the pleasantries out of the way here’s the part that people probably don’t know about me and the bit that will make most of you too uncomfortable to read on and follow my journey. I am a mother to 7 babies. Yes, that’s right, 7! But none of my babies live on this earth, they were all born straight into Heaven. I’ll give you a moment to process that and decide if you want to read on…
…to those that have chosen to leave, it’s ok, I’m not offended and I appreciate your attention to this point. Have a lovely day.
…to those that have chosen to continue reading, I thank you on behalf of every miscarriage sufferer for sparing some time to try and understand what we are going through.
I suspect those of you that are reading this fall into one of four categories:
- You yourself have suffered from miscarriage(s)
- You know someone who has suffered from miscarriage(s) and would like to better understand what they are going through
- You don’t know much about miscarriage and had no idea it could keep happening to the same person
- You just want to have a nosey into my story and see what’s wrong with me
Whichever category you fall into, its ok. I welcome you to this blog and I really hope you get something from it.
So, why have I chosen to start blogging about miscarriage, almost 3 years after experiencing my first loss? The truth is, I am stronger now than I have ever been and I don’t care what people think of me anymore. I am who I am, my journey is my journey and I cant change it, but I can change what I choose to do with it. If by writing about my experiences I help just one person find the strength to live with hope despite their miscarriage or if one person reaches out to that friend who is suffering in silence, my journey will have been worth it.
A Drug Named Hope 
I so admire your strength and encouragement after everything you are going through or have experienced xx
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Thanks so much Sukhy xxx
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Thanks Gurinder for sharing your story. I feel your pain and admire your courage.
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Thanks Archna Aunty. I can’t wait to see you again to talk more about meditation and mindfulness. xxx
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Dear Gurinder,
The pen is the most powerful form of communication and expression. Its a gift from god given to chosen ones!
Your words have the power to heal and give strength to the helpless and hopeless. You inspire beyond your expectations.
May god give you all the strength as you journey through life!
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Riddhika, what a lovely message. Thank you. I’ve never written anything other than business-related stuff, so I’m not sure where this has all come from, I just hope God keeps holding my hand steady on the pen…it is ultimately his will. Thank you for taking the time to post a comment xxx
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You are brave and wonderful all at the same time… I promise that the pain and heartache will lead to happiness 🙂
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There is always hope Harps. Thank you xxx
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Well done for writing this. You have the strength and courage that I never had because you’re right it’s so taboo. I lost 4 babies. Had no answers. Had tried all kinds of holistic homeopathic treatments. Had changed my diet. Even started eating meat after 23 years of being a vegetarian. But to no avail. My second one was flushed down the toilet by the NHS – to this day I mourn for my baby floating around in south staffs sewage). By my 4th miscarriage I had become a total recluse, I was surrounded by pregnant women or women with families who were very flippant to my suffering. So I researched, and researched and researched. I painstakingly spent hours days and weeks researching what could possibly be wrong with me. My acupuncturist had suggested I might have high natural killer cells (basically overactive white blood cells which fight cancer). I thought that couldn’t be it especially as the NHS doesn’t recognise it. So in my research I came across this book called “is your body baby friendly” and it opened my eyes to the world of immunology and how the immune system can save you at the same time break you. So I embarked on a journey to get my answers. I found a doctor quoted in the book based in Harley street and after spendings thousands and thousands I went to get my diagnosis. 28th July 2014. 2 yrs of trying 4 miscarriages later. Coincidentally I received a letter from the NHS on the same day (just as we were getting in car to leave for London) saying that they found nothing wrong me and gave me the dreaded diagnosis at times like this: “Unexplained”. So you can imagine my anxiety when I’m sitting in the waiting room at this revolutionary doctors office having paid a fortune…after a full blown anxiety attack I’m sitting in front of the Doctor all teary eyed and he begins…and I cry, actually I sob tears of joy. I have high NK cells, there’s a treatment plan and it will work. I have never ever wanted anything more wrong with me. What followed were some very difficult months of medication and some severe reactions to certain medications which all impacted my ability to get pregnant – something that’s not been an issue before. So I decided to go down the IVF route – 2 days before embryo transfer I had such bad ovarian hyper stimulation my ovaries were size of grapefruits and I couldn’t stand up straight so they had to abandon transfer so I could give my body time to recover. A month later I started again, along with the IVF drugs I had to take all kinds of other meds to control my high NK cells and all the way through to the end of my first trimester. I was so drained, but I made it. In fact the pregnancy was anything short of easy – I lost a twin (so 5 angels now), had horrendous headaches and nose bleeds which resulted in me having numerous MRI scans after discovering a blood clot in my head, severe sickness, tinnitus, carpel tunnel syndrome omg I literally had every pregnancy symptom. The last straw was my baby wasn’t growing (she had intrauterine growth restriction) and I was due to be delivered by 29-30 wks. I even took the steroid shots which hurt sooooo bad. But somehow God willing the NHS – yes the NHS who had let me down so many times before, got me to 34 wks and delivered my beautiful little baby girl at 3lb 7oz. She had every typical premature baby issue (though she was born with pneumonia and lucky they delivered her when they did) and spent a total of 5 weeks in hospital. She’s now 7months and has done fantastically well. She’s my everything.
I’m sorry I don’t mean to hijack your blog. I just want to share my journey with you because if you haven’t found your answers yet don’t give up hope. There is always an answer to explain what you are going through. I would be happy to share more details with you about who I saw etc to get those answers, because once you’ve had more than 2 miscarriages I don’t think “unexplained” infertility is good enough.
My heart goes out to you for this painful journey you are on but I really hope you get your answers and can’t wait to read the blog one day when you are holding you’re own little bundle of joy
Xx
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Hi Rina, thank you…it’s not a hijack at all, I’m glad you felt able to share your story. And what a story it is, full of ups and downs, but never losing hope and I’m so very happy that you got your rainbow baby.
I will document my story further stating the investigations etc that have been conducted as I won’t be able to do it justice in this short reply. I will message you when I release that blog post and we can talk further.
I am touched you took the time to comment and hope everyone who comes to this blog reads your story too. xxx
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Hi
My favourite you are truly a strong wonderful person, keep fighting on & maybe one day you will get a special miracle , love you always xx
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Thanks Gurmit. We can but hope x
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G,
You have strength, courage, and most importantly….faith. Don’t lose it..
It’s not easy to come out and explain your story but you did. Good things happen to good people, but sometimes we are taken on a journey to discover those things.
Keep smiling. X
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Indeed…a journey that puts us where we are meant to be 🙂 xxx
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Hi Gurinder.
Thank you for sharing your story here it was an eye opener for me after experiencing this first hand and supporting my wife through a similar situation. You show so much courage and I really admire your strength.
I hope the Lord has a special soul to bless your house and family.
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Thanks Manni. Talking is such a therapy and it sounds like you’ve been a rock for you wife. I hope you both have found strength from your experience. Wishing you both lots of love xxx
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